Learning not to doubt everything: a somatic guide
👉Hello, I am Sonia masseuse therapist and Reiki master at Flor de Agua - Therapies for Women in Barcelona. I share with you today a new article of my blog : learn not to doubt everything! I hope you it will help you!😊
A challenge that many people have to face
If "doubting everything" happens to you often—feeling indecisive or confused in many situations—first of all: you are not the only one! It is a much more common feeling than one might think. So if you are the typical person who, in a restaurant, starts getting stressed before the waiter even arrives because there are three starters on the menu and it seems impossible to choose: you can breathe! It happens to many more people than you think.
Furthermore, at Flor de Agua, where I work exclusively with women in my practice, we can see that it is a very female issue. Why? Because it is often related to the "desire to do things right," with constant self-pressure and self-demandingness that causes doubts and questions to arise over every detail of daily life. We were often raised with this pressure of perfection or having to take care of every detail, surely more than men.
From the perspective of body-mind care, constant doubt and decision paralysis are not a personal flaw, but a response from our nervous system when it is overstimulated or in hypervigilance. When the mind does not feel at ease, even the smallest decision is perceived as a threat.
Why do women usually experience this problem more? I am not so interested in getting into controversies about whether this is truly the case or not; it is simply an observation I have seen in my personal and professional environment forever. It could be due to my own life bias, which has led me to know more women who doubt while men are more in action even if everything isn't perfect, or it could be a reality shared by many more people in this society.
Whatever the answer, I write to you from my reality and my life experience. Returning to this idea of "doubting everything" constantly, I have several close friends who live with this issue and it has made many moments of their lives difficult; but whether applying the little tips I share below or through therapeutic sessions, they have been able to see a positive evolution, with more calm and trust in their intuition.
Little tips to overcome these moments of doubt
While the psychological causes of this difficulty can be varied and stem from early childhood, I propose returning to the present moment and to the body from a place of calm whenever you have these moments of doubt.
When they are small doubts—like which dish to choose at the restaurant, what gift to buy for that friend from work, or who I should call first when I get home—there are a series of tips that are different from those I would advise someone facing more "existential" doubts (such as whether to take the step to move in with a partner, if it is a good time to have children, or whether to accept a certain job offer).
When they are small doubts
Close your eyes for a few seconds, repeat the question in your head quickly, and let the first answer that comes up emerge. There will be one, without a doubt. Whether you recognize it, accept it, or dare to say it out loud will depend on you. Keep in mind that these small daily decisions do not have major consequences. Take distance from the importance these choices actually have. In the distant future, will what dish you ate in this restaurant have any impact? And in the near future, two to three weeks from now, will it have an impact? If you know the answer is no, endavant, you can choose whatever seems almost at random right now with your eyes closed.
Afterwards, like everything, it is a matter of practice. Many times, periods of constant doubts—even for small things—can come after an emotional shock (sometimes we are aware of it and sometimes not). Once you take the leap quickly and see that there were no serious consequences to your choice, you will reinforce this action and the decision memory by repeating this little habit.
What I do not recommend:
Always asking those around you to help you choose or selecting the same thing as others to avoid making a decision. Unconsciously, this reduces your power of action in life and your self-esteem. From time to time, of course, it can be done: consulting friends is the most normal thing in the world, and listening to other opinions to contrast or confirm them is interesting and a very natural way of socializing. But it shouldn't be all the time, nor for everything, nor with the aim of disconnecting from your own needs.
If nothing comes to mind or you cannot see what surges first, toss a coin (heads or tails) with the prior promise that you will accept the result whatever it is. It might seem funny or unprofessional, but if there is a mental block in your decision-making and you don't give yourself that power, remember that the coin isn't you directly: it is leaving it up to chance. This can work in moments when you feel a bit overwhelmed, but little by little, the idea is that you can return to making minor decisions quickly using the tip of closing your eyes.
If you feel embarrassed about this tip or tossing a coin when accompanied, you can explain what is happening if you feel the people around you can understand and support you (it happens much more often than we think). If not, simply add a touch of humor without explaining in detail why you close your eyes or toss a coin; with humor, most likely others will leave you in peace.
For more important decisions
A tip to avoid feeling confused or lost is to be very rational with a piece of paper, writing down all the pros and cons of a situation as exhaustively as possible. But you know me: my approach at Flor de Agua is, above all, emotional, bodily, and spiritual! I am not saying the mental part isn't important—it is—but in our society, it tends to govern our entire system, forgetting the other components of who we are. For this reason, before making this list, you can carry out this small ritual, with affection, giving it all the importance you want and reflecting on how you value your body, your emotions, and your spiritual side compared to your mind:
Lie down on the floor with relaxing, calm instrumental music, ideally without vocals. Have a piece of paper and a pen near you.
Place your hands over your heart, with your eyes closed. By placing your hand on your chest, we activate calm through the vagus nerve and cardiac coherence.
Observe your body, your spine, and the points of connection with the floor.
Observe your breathing for a few minutes without trying to change anything.
Now try to feel in your hands the vibration, the beat of your heart. Can you hear it? Stay like this for a few minutes if the sensation is pleasant. If not, return to observing your breath with your hands over your heart until you feel a soft relaxation.
Concentrate and repeat three times in your head the important question about which you don't know what to do. If right after you hear your inner voice tell you something or give an answer, write it down, but without giving it too much importance yet.
Divide the rest of the paper into two and write down all the pros and cons; this time with calm and connected with your body and the present moment. Take your time to do the exercise.
Close your eyes again and place your hands on your heart. Listen to your heartbeat and/or observe your breathing (whatever is most pleasant and comfortable for you), without seeking to think about anything in particular.
Open your eyes again and return to the paper. Read your pros and cons, as well as the first phrases written at the top. Do you have anything else to add?
Do not make the decision yet. Thank yourself for this moment and keep the paper folded somewhere.
For three consecutive days, repeat the same process, each time on a blank sheet of paper.
The ideal approach afterwards is to wait a week and, every time that restlessness about the decision returns, smile internally and repeat to yourself: "With the sheets of paper, I will see it more clearly when the right time comes."
If you cannot wait that long because it is an urgent decision, it is equally important that you repeat the previous steps three times on three different sheets and wait at least one day, if possible, before reading them again.
How are you doing? How is that decision-making going? Do you feel calmer or are you still paralyzed by the fear of not making the right decision? Write to me if you would like to share your experience with me.
The work of inner guidance at Flor de Agua through holistic manual therapies and therapeutic rituals
I offer several mind-body connection sessions with conscious touch that can help you trust yourself and life more, avoid overthinking, and above all help you develop your intuition further. If you feel it is time to deepen this reconnection with your intuition and bring this process to the physical body, write to me and we will find the space for you.
🌸Thanks for reading ! See you soon at Flor de Agua!💫
Sonia Flor de Agua - Therapies for Women| Holistic Support | Masseuse Therapist and Reiki Master in Barcelona
